Hi blogging world,
Being a single - attached - it's complicated - single - dating - attached woman in my mid/late twenties, there are things I wish I could shout from the rooftop at all those on the dating/relationship scene. No, I do not portend to know everything about dating, nor do I think I am the perfect cup of tea myself, but there are some rules I think everyone, especially men, in my current state of writing this, should know.
There are so many How To books for Dummies. I don't know if there is a dating for dummies, but there should be a general handbook on how not to screw it (and the object of your affections!) up!
These would be some excerpts I would be sure to include:
When you are lucky enough to have found a woman you want to date, and equally important, who wants to date you, here are some behaviors and actions to keep in mind so you don't end up losing them.
Make her feel like the only person in the room. I don't care if it is cliche. Do not give her a reason to wonder where your eyes are wandering, what else your mind is drifting to while she is trying to tell you stories about herself or reveal more of the person she is. Make eye contact - if you have issues with eye contact, do it until you absolutely can't, take a short break by looking at her hands or something, then resume. Don't make her doubt your interest, or your attention, or your admiration for her, physically and emotionally and respectfully. You are out with her - that is all that should matter, and she should feel that reflected in your attitude!
Do not be late to dates. Do not oversleep, do not get bogged down in work and look up hours later to find yourself horribly negligent, do not act as though seeing her is less important than a dentist appointment or that you value her time less than yours, as you waste her's while she waits on you. IF you are late, and this cannot be a habit, the moment you realize it, come clean, with sincere apologies galore, and do something extra special and immediate so she understands how this is not a reflection on how you see her, how you see your time with her, or that it is something that you just expect her to understand and get over (or get used to). In the same vein, do not break promises. Better not to make them at all than to prove yourself untrustworthy and full of empty words.
Make efforts to get to know her friends, even if a board game night is not your cup of tea, go because she wants you to join her, and don't make her fight to get you there. You should be delighted she wants you to be involved in more aspects of her life, see other sides of her, meet people who she likes and who she respects the opinions of. Also, have her meet your friends. And let her shine. Talk her up to your friends, impress upon them how wonderful her work/hobbies/history is, and she will hear how you see her in this flattering light and feel appreciated and admired. Bring up topics you know she can participate in, not things that you have in common with your friends that would exclude her. Be proud of who she is.
Okay, there are many more things to write, but if you have ideas, please share. I know we all have things we wished people just instinctively knew, ways we wish we could make them act, but we want them to want to do them, all on their own. Help your friends not feel like they are always screwing up - in the long run, it benefits us all.
I wish peace, mental health, and a sense of appreciation to all of you tonight.
